So, I was driving back home from seeing Anchorman 2 last night...

"Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire" (arch-duke-maxyenko) 12/20/2013 at 08:11 • Filed to: WTF

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I was on a twisty two lane road in heavily wooded area in Anderson Township, OH. I rounded a bend and all of the sudden,

THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS RIGHT ON MY WINDSHIELD. He just flew out in front of me. I only saw the back side of him taking up about 75% of my view. I damn near shat myself as I slammed on the brakes. Out of all of the fucking things that your watching out for on the roads (deer, people, other cars, cops, coyotes, stray cats, raccoon...etc) Great Horned Owls sure as fuck never cross your mind.

matt > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire 12/20/2013 at 08:13

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Did he died?

Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire > matt 12/20/2013 at 08:18

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No, he flew off with his mission of scaring the crap out of me accomplished.

willkinton247 > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire 12/20/2013 at 08:18

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Totally happened to me once!

Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire > willkinton247 12/20/2013 at 08:19

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Man, fuck owls

thebigbossyboss > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire 12/20/2013 at 08:25

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hahah that's great!

willkinton247 > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire 12/20/2013 at 08:25

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Except I was on an interstate in my parents old suburban and he totally swooped down on us.

Slave2anMG > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire 12/20/2013 at 08:27

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PRBot II > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire 12/20/2013 at 08:27

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Owls are targeting Opponauts . We should not ignore this serious threat.

!!! UNKNOWN CONTENT TYPE !!!

Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire > PRBot II 12/20/2013 at 08:34

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I blame Jessica Smith.

dinobot666 > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire 12/20/2013 at 08:46

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Sorry to hear about your use of the term "all of the sudden" :(

Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire > dinobot666 12/20/2013 at 08:52

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Sorry to hear about you never reading or seeing Shakespeare.

dinobot666 > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire 12/20/2013 at 08:54

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Shakespeare said "all of a sudden" not "all of the sudden"

Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire > dinobot666 12/20/2013 at 08:58

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Well, then you are aware of poetic licence? Or are you just being a dick?

dinobot666 > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire 12/20/2013 at 09:01

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Naw. It's just something I see people saying on the internet all the time, and I can't figure out why they do.

CalzoneGolem > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire 12/20/2013 at 09:08

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He's just being a dick. It's his thing I guess.

Leadbull > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire 12/20/2013 at 10:28

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The New Garage > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire 12/20/2013 at 10:30

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I popped an opossum in Anderson Township once. Fun roads though!

Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire > The New Garage 12/20/2013 at 10:33

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Great roads.

The New Garage > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire 12/20/2013 at 10:35

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Taken a long while ago. Rippin' through those roads.

You can tell a Finn but you can't tell him much > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire 12/20/2013 at 10:44

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Almost got a bald eagle once. There was a deer carcass on the side of the road with a bunch of crows on it, and one crow on the yellow line. I figured one crow is better than ten crows. Until I got right on top of it and the thing took off. Then I realized it was a bald eagle with a wingspan as wide as the Subaru. Luckily no collision was had, but it was close.

PyramidHat > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire 12/27/2013 at 09:32

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I hit an owl, too!

This was almost 20 years ago. A buddy and I were driving down a 2-lane highway at about 5am to go fishing. This owl flies in front of the windshield and just before he connected he looked right at me - which was creepy as shit. I figure I hit him at about 55 mph. Not knowing what to do, I pull over and grab my 5-cell Maglite, thinking that I'm going to be dealing with a pissed off bird...checked the bed of the truck, checked the boat: My buddy the Owl, was missing. I reckon either the trajectory send him off to the side or he was able to push off and fly away, or something. He did leave some owl snot on my windshield, but that was it....

Glad you're OK, though...

Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire > PyramidHat 12/27/2013 at 09:37

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I didn't hit him, but it was fucking close.